LESSONS FROM A MOUNTAINTOP: LESSON 4

So many occasions cause us to be fearful—that first instinct to stop, to turn back, or to give up.

For me, being in high places causes a sense of paralysis. My legs can feel like literal dead weights. For example, if I’m walking on a bridge I can see through or below, it feels like my feet are stuck in place, almost impossible to make them move forward.

I don’t know why my body reacts this way. I can’t recall a traumatic incident where I fell from a high place, but this visceral feeling is inescapable for me.

But does it stop me from doing the things I love? No, it doesn’t. Because I don’t actually love or need to be jumping from a high place or a plane, walking a tightrope, or climbing a cliffside.

Do I want to jump out of an airplane or walk a tightrope?
​No, not really. I don’t feel a desire or calling to do that.

Do I want to scale a tall cliffside? I do not.

Do I want to go up the Eiffel Tower?
Yes. And I have. Because my desire outweighed my fear, and the method to get there was important.

Did I need or want to go to the very top?
No. I stopped when I reached my own point of bravery.

Did I need to push myself to go further to attain what others considered brave? I did not. I don’t need others to tell me what is considered brave for me.

My second-floor scaling was brave for me.

My desire to not be “up high” didn’t stop me from going to a high place where I wanted to go. But the extreme versions did.

I suppose if I did want to jump out of a plane or walk across a wobbly mountain bridge, I’d find a way to do it. I’d have to if my desire outweighed my fear of the method.

But we need to understand why we’re afraid.
Is it truly fear, or is it simply that we don’t want or need to do something?

People have said to me, “Oh, you need to get past your fear of heights—it’s so freeing.” From their perspective, I can understand why my fear might seem like a limitation, or even a judgment. Perhaps they’ve found courage through that act and want others to experience the same sense of conquering.

But that’s their judgment placed on me, not my own.
I’m here to say: if your fear is stronger than your desire to do something, there may be a good reason.

But if your fear is holding you back from something you do desire, then that’s the fear that needs to be conquered.

You have to want the thing more than you fear it. We can be afraid and do it anyway—that’s called courage.
But to do something you fear when you have no true desire to do it—that can be foolish.

I’m not talking about duty or resolve. I’m talking about compelled action, that psychological drive to chase a freedom someone else has found through means that worked for them.

So what is your fear to overcome? What is your desire to attain?

The physical fears are the easiest to name: climbing a mountain, jumping out of a plane, scuba diving, zip-lining, and so on.

But what about the fears of the unseen? The personal, social, and emotional courage we all need?

What if people hungry for bravery started conquering their fears by confronting trauma, owning their mistakes, speaking up in meetings or public settings, saying “no,” or sharing unpopular opinions?

Those acts would arguably have more impact than simply conquering a fear of heights.

What I mean is this: practicing bravery doesn’t require booking a special trip or announcing your achievement to the world.
 
Lesson 4: Practicing bravery, in both the little moments and the big ones, builds your confidence.

You start to see your own actions lead to courageous outcomes. And those moments deserve to be celebrated just as much as the “Mount Everest” ones.

Saying “yes” to something you’ve always said “no” to because it was too painful or intimidating.

Saying “no” to something you’ve always said “yes” to because it was easier or kept the peace.

Standing up for someone, or yourself.

Sharing your creative work publicly.

Apologizing sincerely or forgiving someone.

Admitting you need help or support.

Setting boundaries, even when it risks disappointing someone.

These are acts of bravery, too. These are ways to conquer fear, and I’d argue that some of them are harder than the physical feats.

From a mountaintop to a difficult conversation in your business or community, bravery is an action and courage is a mindset.



Challenge:
Make a list of 8 fears you want to overcome this coming year. Categorize the list into these buckets: physical fears, emotional fears, social fears and personal fears. 

Give yourself a timeframe that is right for you to tackle one from each bucket for the year. Find the resources, help or guidance if you don't know where to start.

Important: After each accomplishment, write these words down. "I am person who can (fill in the blank)"

Read it outloud.
Post it in your home somewhere where you can see it each day. It can be for just you to see or for others to acknowledge as well.
Share your accomplishment with someone who you trust and that wants to see you win.

Take time to celebrate each milestone, just as you would scaling a mountain, because they are just as important, if not more.